Not Your Babe
by Megan Crawford
published in Issue No. 8: September/October 2020
“like a snake in the grass.” Self-portrait, cut paper, glue dots, and words taken from conversations. 8.5”x11”. Megan Crawford, 2020.
When I took over Montana Woman, I was afraid to speak up for myself. I was afraid to come off as “bossy,” to be too loud, too direct. I carefully crafted my emails to avoid the possibility of someone being upset. Even when, as the owner and editor of this magazine, I had every right to stand my ground and call people out, I still made myself small.
Last year, I was completely new at being an editor. For whatever reason, I never saw myself taking on a leadership role because, for whatever reason, that wasn’t me. Now, looking back on the past year, that is me— I’ve finally allowed myself to begin the process of not making myself small for the comfort of others.
For the October 2019 issue, there was one article in particular that I edited (which, as the editor, is literally the name of my job). The author of the article did not appreciate my feedback. He spoke to me like I was a child, complained that my edits were not “his words,” and completely dismissed my authority. I was told that he had “never received this much angst over writing articles.” This man was accusing me, the editor, of “angst” over referencing my well-loved copy of Elements of Style to polish his writing for him.
Looking back, I made myself small. I knew had already been targeted as the “millennial woman,” I knew that I already wasn’t being taken seriously, and I didn’t want to add anything else onto that.
So, I stayed quiet. I kept my replies diplomatic, even adding in an “enjoy the holiday weekend,” because heaven forbid if a woman isn’t always hospitable. It has been a year-long process of unlearning and relearning what it means to be a woman in charge.
For the November 2019 issue, the same writer sent his article in late without a word. I held my ground more, but again, I made concessions. It’s genuinely been an entire year (and then some) of learning how to be assertive. I’ve had people email me about covers they don’t like, about articles they found offensive— that being uncomfortable is “part of business.”
But, here’s a thought: why is being spoken to condescendingly “part of business?” Why is being disregarded “part of business?” It definitely doesn’t have to be that way, and it shouldn’t be that way.
So, instead of being cast off with faux-empowerment terms like “boss babe” and “girl boss,” I own who I am. My role does not have to be infantilized or gendered— it shouldn’t be in the first place.
When I worked in retail, I was constantly referred to as “honey,” “dear,” or “sweetie,” none of which are my name. Still, as an adult and owner of a small business, people will call me one of those three. “Hey hun, I just wanted to call you about this woman…” is a common introduction. If you’re not a close friend, relative, or significant other, I’m not your “hun.” My name is Megan.
And, while we’re on the topic of article pitches— no one needs to tell me what a potential feature looks like. Commonly, men who have sent in pitches make note of physical appearance: “she’d be beautiful on a cover,” “she hunts, and she’s pretty too,” “you’d get along because you’re both women.” I don’t choose cover features based on how they’d look as a “covergirl” (which is an outdated term in and of itself), I choose cover features based on their merit, gumption, drive, strength.
Conversely, most of the accusatory, rude emails I’ve gotten are, unfortunately, from fellow women. The biting remarks, the contempt— a lot of words that come off as “how dare you.” These are people, for the most part, that I have never met. They have no idea who I am; we’ve never spoken. To them, I’m just some words on a page or a picture on a screen. I’m not a living, breathing human— I’m an email inbox, a voicemail machine, both of which are commonly mistaken as a punching bag.
A year ago, I wouldn’t have even thought of actually writing this article. I’d think about it and then set it aside because it would be too pointed, too direct. But now, there’s no time like the present. Some people will probably roll their eyes at this article because I’m “outspoken,” but maybe that means they should take the time to listen.
Cheers to not being a #girlboss or a #bossbabe. Your role doesn’t need to be infantilized or given a gender. You don’t see male CEOs going around and tagging their instagram posts with #boyboss or #bossbro because our society has inherently deemed leadership roles to be patriarchal.
So stand up for yourself and those around you. Call out prejudice— if someone’s being rude or hurtful, call them out. It’s a learning process for a lot of us, especially those who have been told time and time again to be docile and polite because that’s the way we’re “supposed” to be.
Yes, I am a woman, a millennial, and a feminist killjoy. I own that now— I own my space, my voice, my knowledge, my power, and my worth. People will still throw insults at me. There’s only so much you can do about what people say. But, you can take that and own it— make it yours.
